Tag Archives: West Ham United
The Premier League Preview 2025/26
Holy Jesus, Premier League football is back already and that means the summer is nearly over. I’ll confess I enjoyed the three-month break from organizing my schedule around live football. But now we’re back to normality – nine months of … Continue reading
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Tagged Arne Slot, Arsène Wenger, Arsenal, Aston Villa, Big In Japan, Bournemouth, Brattish metrosexuals, Brentford, Brighton & Hove Albion, Burnley, Champions League football, Chelsea, Club World Cup abomination, Crystal Palace, Deadwood, Derby County, Erling Haaland, Everton, Final Ibiza Boss, Fulham, I've had a tough fucking day, Instagram, Ipswich Town, Jürgen Klopp, Leeds United, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mikel Arteta, Newcastle United, Nottingham Forest, Pep Guardiola, Premier League Preview, PSG, RIP Diogo Jota, Rod Liddle, Roman Abramovich, Rupert Lowe is a stupid racist dickhead, Sky Sports, Sunderland, The Sadim Touch, Thursday Night Wankers, TikTok, Tony Pulis is a football genius, Tottenham Hotspur, Twitter, West Ham United, Wolverhampton Wanderers
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The Premier League Preview 2024/25
Normally I’d leave writing this until the eve of the Premier League season in mid-August. The rationale – it gave me the most time to assess the state of each team before making a prediction. The flaw has always remained … Continue reading
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Tagged Arsenal, Aston Villa, Bayern Munich, Bournemouth, Brentford, Brighton & Hove Albion, Bundesliga, Champions League, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Erik Ten Hag, Everton, Farmer's league, Fulham, Geopolitical toy, Idiotic fat-fuck American tourist running a football club, Ipswich Town, Jason Tindall is a Patrick Bateman knockoff, Jürgen Klopp, Juventus, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Martin Jol, Newcastle United, Nottingham Forest, Pep Guardiola, Premier League, Premier League Preview 2024-25, PSR, Real Madrid, Ruud Gullit, Serie A, Southampton, Thursday Night Wankers, Todd “Burger Me” Boehly, Tottenham Hotspur, Transfer window winners, West Ham United, Whiner transfer obsessed fans on Twitter, Wolverhampton Wanderers
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The Premier League Preview 2022/23
We’re fast approaching the Qatar 2022 World Cup. Yeah, psyched for it. Remember when Qatar was awarded it? The world was very different back in 2010. Crappy 3G smartphones. Alex Ferguson was still managing Manchester United. Prince and Leonard Cohen … Continue reading
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Tagged Abu Dhabi, Andy Carroll, Antonio Conte, Arsenal, Aston Villa, £100m Gucci ambassador, Bernardo Silva, Boris Johnson, Bournemouth, Brentford, Brighton & Hove Albion, Burnley, Championship, Chelsea, Christine Hamilton, Clickbaitism, Covid, Cristiano Ronaldo, Crystal Palace, Darwin Nunez, Donald Trump was just a reality TV cunt in 2010, Dover, Erik Ten Hag, Erling Haaland, Everton, Farhad Moshiri, Fletching, Frank Lampard, Frenkie De Jong, Fulham, Gabriel Jesus, Gammon-Tory Brexit, German substitute teacher, Granit Xhaka, Groundhog Day, Jackson Pollock, Jurgen Klopp, Kylie Jenner, Latvia, Leeds United, Leicester City, Leonard Cohen, Liverpool, Liz "cheese" Truss, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mikel Arteta, Moldova, Moriarty, Negativity, Newcastle United, Nottingham Forest, Pegging, Peter Oborne, Prince, Prince Andrew being a teflon nonce, Qatar 2022 World Cup, Raheem Sterling, Real Madrid, Richarlison, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Southampton, Thomas Tuchel, Thursday night wankerdom, Top Four Trophy Twattery, Tottenham Hotspur, Ukraine, West Ham United, West London, Wolverhampton Wanderers
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The Premier League Preview 2021/22
The European Championships are over. Mercifully no more players collapsed with cardiac issues and Italy saved us from a tidal wave of insufferable English triumphalism, which, with a win, would finally be liberated from the embarrassment of perpetual failure. The … Continue reading
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Tagged Agincourt, Anti-Josef Mengele approach to eugenics, Arsenal, Aston Villa, £600m, Baddiel and Skinner, Ben White - £50m!? Fuck me, Bingo wings, Boris Johnson, Brentford, Brexit, Brighton, Bundesliga, Burnley, Buyako Saka, Catatonic stupor, Chelsea, Choose hedonism and infantilism Choose darts, Crystal Palace, Daily Mail readers, Daniel Levy, Darlington, English triumphalism, European Championships, Euthanise Katie Hopkins, Everton, Financial Times, Frank Lampard on the dole, Harry Kane, Instagram, Jack Grealish, Jadon Sancho, Jordan Pickford - arrogant village idiot, Kai Havertz, Leeds United, Leicester City, Lincoln City, Lingering menacingly like Stuart Hall outside the ladies’ toilet, Liverpool, Magnificent moobs, Malcolm Tucker, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mike Ashley, Newcastle United, Nigel Farage, Norwich City, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Piers Morgan, Raheem Sterling, Raphael Varane, Sad bastard Twitter aggregators, Selling out to the Saudis, Serie A, Sheffield United, Smash up an Italian restaurant, Southampton, Southend, Sports-washing, Spurs, Steve Bruce, Ten German Bombers, The Premier League, the Royals, Thursday night wankerdom, Timo Werner, Too many tags, Top Four Twattery, VAR, VAR still relies on human ibeciles, Watford, Wembley, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, White van man Olympics, Wolves, World Matchplay darts
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The Premier League Preview 2020/21
Just as you didn’t need Covid-19 to return, here’s the return of my rubbish Premier League Preview column. Still, take some small amount of solace in this – Covid-19 has upset the established order of things, and my preview column … Continue reading
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Tagged Abu Dhabi’s mobsters, Alex Ferguson, Alisson Becker, Arsenal, Aston Villa, Benjamin Mendy, Big time baller bet of 50p, Bright orange Sainsbury’s plastic bags, Brighton, Burnley, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, David De Gea, Donny Van De Beek, Downturn in football my arse - someone paid £28m for Ollie Watkins, Everton, Expected goals is for losers, Frank Lampard, Fulham, Harold Shipman, Irn Bru, It's Bayern Munchen Al!, Jürgen Klopp, Joao Cancelo's good amortisation properties, Jose Mourinho, Lavish specimens in West Yorkshire fishtanks, Leeds United, Leicester City, Leroy Sane, Lionel Messi will never do it on a cold windy November night in Stoke at this rate, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Marcelo Bielsa, MESSI IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE FAM!, Mikel Arteta, Nathan Ake, N’Golo Kante, Newcastle United, No ingles señor, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Peter Risdale, Peter Risdale's cum soaked John Giles throne, Pogba and Fernandes sounds like a shite version of Hall & Oates, Roman Abramovich is a thieving cunt, Roy Keane, Sean Dyche’s mutant gingerness, Sheffield United, Southampton, Spurs, Stoke City, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Turf Moor, VAR still relies on human ibeciles, Virgil Van Dijk, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, White Lives Matter banner, Wilfried Zaha, Wolverhampton Wanderers
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