Tag Archives: Newcastle United
The Premier League Preview 2021/22
The European Championships are over. Mercifully no more players collapsed with cardiac issues and Italy saved us from a tidal wave of insufferable English triumphalism, which, with a win, would finally be liberated from the embarrassment of perpetual failure. The … Continue reading
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Tagged Agincourt, Anti-Josef Mengele approach to eugenics, Arsenal, Aston Villa, £600m, Baddiel and Skinner, Ben White - £50m!? Fuck me, Bingo wings, Boris Johnson, Brentford, Brexit, Brighton, Bundesliga, Burnley, Buyako Saka, Catatonic stupor, Chelsea, Choose hedonism and infantilism Choose darts, Crystal Palace, Daily Mail readers, Daniel Levy, Darlington, English triumphalism, European Championships, Euthanise Katie Hopkins, Everton, Financial Times, Frank Lampard on the dole, Harry Kane, Instagram, Jack Grealish, Jadon Sancho, Jordan Pickford - arrogant village idiot, Kai Havertz, Leeds United, Leicester City, Lincoln City, Lingering menacingly like Stuart Hall outside the ladies’ toilet, Liverpool, Magnificent moobs, Malcolm Tucker, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mike Ashley, Newcastle United, Nigel Farage, Norwich City, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Piers Morgan, Raheem Sterling, Raphael Varane, Sad bastard Twitter aggregators, Selling out to the Saudis, Serie A, Sheffield United, Smash up an Italian restaurant, Southampton, Southend, Sports-washing, Spurs, Steve Bruce, Ten German Bombers, The Premier League, the Royals, Thursday night wankerdom, Timo Werner, Too many tags, Top Four Twattery, VAR, VAR still relies on human ibeciles, Watford, Wembley, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, White van man Olympics, Wolves, World Matchplay darts
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The Premier League Preview 2020/21
Just as you didn’t need Covid-19 to return, here’s the return of my rubbish Premier League Preview column. Still, take some small amount of solace in this – Covid-19 has upset the established order of things, and my preview column … Continue reading
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Tagged Abu Dhabi’s mobsters, Alex Ferguson, Alisson Becker, Arsenal, Aston Villa, Benjamin Mendy, Big time baller bet of 50p, Bright orange Sainsbury’s plastic bags, Brighton, Burnley, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, David De Gea, Donny Van De Beek, Downturn in football my arse - someone paid £28m for Ollie Watkins, Everton, Expected goals is for losers, Frank Lampard, Fulham, Harold Shipman, Irn Bru, It's Bayern Munchen Al!, Jürgen Klopp, Joao Cancelo's good amortisation properties, Jose Mourinho, Lavish specimens in West Yorkshire fishtanks, Leeds United, Leicester City, Leroy Sane, Lionel Messi will never do it on a cold windy November night in Stoke at this rate, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Marcelo Bielsa, MESSI IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE FAM!, Mikel Arteta, Nathan Ake, N’Golo Kante, Newcastle United, No ingles señor, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Peter Risdale, Peter Risdale's cum soaked John Giles throne, Pogba and Fernandes sounds like a shite version of Hall & Oates, Roman Abramovich is a thieving cunt, Roy Keane, Sean Dyche’s mutant gingerness, Sheffield United, Southampton, Spurs, Stoke City, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Turf Moor, VAR still relies on human ibeciles, Virgil Van Dijk, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, White Lives Matter banner, Wilfried Zaha, Wolverhampton Wanderers
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The Premier League Preview 2018/19
And so another season in the Premier League. This one has arrived quickly, with a foreboding urgency. The combination of the World Cup stifling the transfer market for five weeks, and the transfer window in England ending before the season … Continue reading
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Tagged Arsenal, Axe child benefit for single mums please said tosser Tory Tony from his townhouse in Marylebone, Bournemouth, Brexiteers, Brighton & Hove Albion, Burnley, Cardiff City, Catenaccio, Champions League, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Exposed in Kiev?, Financial Fair Play, Fulham, Gastroenteritispub chain Wetherspoons, Gordon Gekko, Greed is Good, Huddersfield Town, I'm a football Tory, Jürgen Klopp, John Dyson is a twat, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Marathon runner shooting themselves in the foot, Marouane fucking Fellaini, Marshall McLuhan, Miserable Mourinho, Money, Newcastle United, Pep Guardiola, Premier League 2018-19, Premier League Preview, Richarlison - £50m!, Southampton, Sports, Stan Kroenke - mediocre billionaire, The Internet Arses, Tit-rifle, Tottenham Hotspur, Transfer Market blues, Watford, West Ham United, Wolverhampton Wanderers, World Cup
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The Premier League Preview 2017/18
So yeah, another season. Time flies, doesn’t it? And during transfer season so does the money. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss where it’s going and to who. I’d imagine many of … Continue reading
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Tagged Adam Smith, Alan Pardew and Patrick Bateman - the new Starsky & Hutch?, Arsenal, £50m for Glyfi Sigurdsson!, Bournemouth, Brighton & Hove Albion, Burnley, Champions League food chain, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, ESPN's shameless clickbait, Everton, Huddersfield, If you voted leave supporting Spurs makes sense for you, Kyle Walker should have Stephen Hawkings body, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Newcastle United, Neymar, Richard Scudamore is a cunt, Southampton, Stoke City, Swansea City, The 'Is Pep Guardiola a genius?' watch, The Premier League Preview 2017/18, Tony Evans is still on the ale, Tottenham Hotspur, Watford, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United
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The Premier League Quarterly Report 2015/16 – The Final Final Furlong, Ever!
I’ve been doing my Premier League pre-season prediction and update columns for three years now, though it seems much longer than that. Anyway, it’s the sort of thing that seemed like a good idea at the time, as the first … Continue reading
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Tagged Arsenal, Aston Villa, Aston Villa are dead human skin, Aye I compared the popularity of the Premier League's conservatism to the Bourbon Restoration - bet that's never happened before, Bournemouth, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Feel like a sad bastard writing all of this guff, I'm picking Leicester City for the league - fuck me!, Joleon Lescott is a twat, Last time EVER!, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mike Ashley stripping! Wowsers in my trousers!, Mini Louis Van Gaal, Never again Ken!, Newcastle United, Nic Cage laughing gif is still the best, Norwich City, Premier League 2015/16, Southampton, Stoke City, Sunderland, Swansea City, The Final Furlong, The Premier League is rubbish, The Premier League Quarterly Report, Tony Pulis dresses like Jimmy Saville if Jimmy was a dogger, Took a swipe at David Moyes, Tottenham Hotspur, Watford, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United
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