Tag Archives: Aston Villa
The Premier League Preview 2021/22
The European Championships are over. Mercifully no more players collapsed with cardiac issues and Italy saved us from a tidal wave of insufferable English triumphalism, which, with a win, would finally be liberated from the embarrassment of perpetual failure. The … Continue reading
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Tagged Agincourt, Anti-Josef Mengele approach to eugenics, Arsenal, Aston Villa, £600m, Baddiel and Skinner, Ben White - £50m!? Fuck me, Bingo wings, Boris Johnson, Brentford, Brexit, Brighton, Bundesliga, Burnley, Buyako Saka, Catatonic stupor, Chelsea, Choose hedonism and infantilism Choose darts, Crystal Palace, Daily Mail readers, Daniel Levy, Darlington, English triumphalism, European Championships, Euthanise Katie Hopkins, Everton, Financial Times, Frank Lampard on the dole, Harry Kane, Instagram, Jack Grealish, Jadon Sancho, Jordan Pickford - arrogant village idiot, Kai Havertz, Leeds United, Leicester City, Lincoln City, Lingering menacingly like Stuart Hall outside the ladies’ toilet, Liverpool, Magnificent moobs, Malcolm Tucker, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mike Ashley, Newcastle United, Nigel Farage, Norwich City, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Piers Morgan, Raheem Sterling, Raphael Varane, Sad bastard Twitter aggregators, Selling out to the Saudis, Serie A, Sheffield United, Smash up an Italian restaurant, Southampton, Southend, Sports-washing, Spurs, Steve Bruce, Ten German Bombers, The Premier League, the Royals, Thursday night wankerdom, Timo Werner, Too many tags, Top Four Twattery, VAR, VAR still relies on human ibeciles, Watford, Wembley, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, White van man Olympics, Wolves, World Matchplay darts
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The Premier League Preview 2020/21
Just as you didn’t need Covid-19 to return, here’s the return of my rubbish Premier League Preview column. Still, take some small amount of solace in this – Covid-19 has upset the established order of things, and my preview column … Continue reading
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Tagged Abu Dhabi’s mobsters, Alex Ferguson, Alisson Becker, Arsenal, Aston Villa, Benjamin Mendy, Big time baller bet of 50p, Bright orange Sainsbury’s plastic bags, Brighton, Burnley, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, David De Gea, Donny Van De Beek, Downturn in football my arse - someone paid £28m for Ollie Watkins, Everton, Expected goals is for losers, Frank Lampard, Fulham, Harold Shipman, Irn Bru, It's Bayern Munchen Al!, Jürgen Klopp, Joao Cancelo's good amortisation properties, Jose Mourinho, Lavish specimens in West Yorkshire fishtanks, Leeds United, Leicester City, Leroy Sane, Lionel Messi will never do it on a cold windy November night in Stoke at this rate, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Marcelo Bielsa, MESSI IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE FAM!, Mikel Arteta, Nathan Ake, N’Golo Kante, Newcastle United, No ingles señor, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Peter Risdale, Peter Risdale's cum soaked John Giles throne, Pogba and Fernandes sounds like a shite version of Hall & Oates, Roman Abramovich is a thieving cunt, Roy Keane, Sean Dyche’s mutant gingerness, Sheffield United, Southampton, Spurs, Stoke City, Trent Alexander-Arnold, Turf Moor, VAR still relies on human ibeciles, Virgil Van Dijk, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, White Lives Matter banner, Wilfried Zaha, Wolverhampton Wanderers
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The Premier League Quarterly Report 2015/16 – The Final Final Furlong, Ever!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CycTQ29ikAA I’ve been doing my Premier League pre-season prediction and update columns for three years now, though it seems much longer than that. Anyway, it’s the sort of thing that seemed like a good idea at the time, as the … Continue reading
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Tagged Arsenal, Aston Villa, Aston Villa are dead human skin, Aye I compared the popularity of the Premier League's conservatism to the Bourbon Restoration - bet that's never happened before, Bournemouth, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Feel like a sad bastard writing all of this guff, I'm picking Leicester City for the league - fuck me!, Joleon Lescott is a twat, Last time EVER!, Leicester City, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mike Ashley stripping! Wowsers in my trousers!, Mini Louis Van Gaal, Never again Ken!, Newcastle United, Nic Cage laughing gif is still the best, Norwich City, Premier League 2015/16, Southampton, Stoke City, Sunderland, Swansea City, The Final Furlong, The Premier League is rubbish, The Premier League Quarterly Report, Tony Pulis dresses like Jimmy Saville if Jimmy was a dogger, Took a swipe at David Moyes, Tottenham Hotspur, Watford, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United
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The Premier League Quarterly Report 2015/16 – The Half-Way Point
Like Groundhog Day, I’m repeating myself in these Premier League columns, regurgitating the same thought, but, alas, it’s true – the Premier League continues to decline at an alarming rate. Superficially obfuscating this is its immense wealth and a delusional … Continue reading
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Tagged Arsenal, Arsenal for the League?, Aston Villa, Benteke is bollocks, Bill Murray, Bojan Krkic, Bournemouth, Cheslea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Groundhog Day, I miss Tim Sherwood, Jurgen Klopp will soon need another hair transplant, Kyle Walker & Danny Rose - the 21st century Chuckle Brothers, Leicester City, Liverpool, Louis Van Gaal's face is melting, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mike Ashley is a fat bastard, Mourinho on the dole, Newcastle United, Norwich City, Odion Ighalo, Pep Guardiola to Swansea City, Remi (with an 'I') Garde, Southampton, Stoke City, Sunderland, Swansea City, The Half-Way point, The Premier League Quarterly Report, Tony Pulis is the abyss of humanity, Too many tags lad!, Tottenham Hotspur, Watford, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, You've just been Shane Longed
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The Premier League Quarterly Report 2015/16 – The Quarter Way Point
And just like that we’re already at the quarter way point of the premier league. The speed with which time passes becomes truly frightening if you dwell on it, so let’s not. Usually by now we’ve passed the Panagea phase, … Continue reading
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Tagged A load of nonsense, Arsenal, Aston Villa, Big Sam's back, Bournemouth, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Everton, Leicester City, Less than 5000 words! Hell yeah!, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Mourinho is a twatcunt, Newcastle United, Norwich City, Premier League, Premier League 2015/16, Putting the 'ü' in Jürgen, Southampton, Stoke City, Sunderland, Sunderland are really shite, Swansea City, Tactics Tim, Tottenham Hotspur, Watford, West Bromwich Albion, West Ham United, Worst to First
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Wichita Lineman Was A Song I Once Heard 
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