Wichita Lineman Was A Song I Once Heard

What the fuck just happened?

Posted on 11/05/2015 by Wichita Lineman Was A Song I Once Heard

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. There was supposed to be post-election confusion with a hung parliament, and we were just getting used to that idea. Other than the SNP, the number of seats won by each party won wasn’t supposed to drastically change, but they did. The SNP completely wiped out Scotland, the Tories won an outright majority, the Liberal Democrats were decimated and Labour left in disarray and denial.

Not only did we not get a hung parliament, but the electorate delivered huge ideological rifts that have left a UK splintered under a weak “One Nation Conservative” government.

So what does it tell us?

Fact number one – the perceived importance of polls and polling has outstretched its actual value.

Not even that BBC exit poll – which nearly broke Twitter and did actually break the resolve of many Labourites – accurately gauged the state of play in England.

Look, after seeing it, as a means of self-preservation, even I fell into a state of denial. It was almost tin-foil hat time. In truth I was guided by a significant bout of cynicism, not only towards the sources of the data, but who was reporting it. Given recent form there was a very good reason why the dreadful BBC News division would happily project the SNP to win an unrealistically large number of seats. If and when the SNP inevitably fell short, it could be portrayed as a disappointment, justifying a continuation of the BBC Scotland’s self-serving ‘SNP bad’ narrative, especially as they believe Scottish independence could pose a serious threat to the structure of the BBC and in particular BBC Scotland.

But I can’t level that accusation this time. The SNP almost met the number of seats the exit poll predicted and the Tories exceeded theirs. This showed us that the numbers from the polling companies in the weeks and months before the election simply couldn’t account for how people were seeing this election. Perhaps, if we’re being generous, it gave us a loose indication, at most. But too many people took these polls literally and to be indicative of the likely result. For the polling companies themselves perhaps weighting based on past elections when the political landscape has changed so dramatically since then wasn’t sensible.

Which brings us to the how and the why we ended up with results…

Fact number two – the Scottish independence movement is unstoppable.

Yeah, I know, not everybody who voted for the SNP believes in independence, yet, but voting for the SNP this time comes with the tacit agreement that Scotland’s votes must bring more say over its affairs. It also says emphatically that the Smith commission findings aren’t enough.

Over the years we’ve had 50 odd Labour MPs in opposition and now we have 56 in opposition to a Tory government. The only time Scotland gets the government it votes for is if it agrees with England, and that isn’t often.

There’s only one solution to that – full governing powers being devolved to Holyrood. The only question is how much and in what time frame they’re delivered. There are a number of ways to achieve independence, one is staggered – independence in stages. For the pro-independence hardliners it’s undesirable, but as things stand it is the more realistic route. There’s a good chance that to save the UK in name – specifically the military and monarchic union – David Cameron will agree to offer a federalist system or devo max as a means of placating and as such delaying the Scottish agitation for independence. There’s every incentive for Call-Me-Dave to offer it before that fucking crazy in-out EU referendum he’s locked himself into.

Once significant powers are granted people won’t want to relinquish their votes having a genuine say over the direction of their own country. In Scotland we’ve gotten used to having that power recently, or the idea of it, not only during the referendum, but at the prospect of sending a large group of SNP MP’s down south to be involved in governance at Westminster, by propping up a minority Labour government. That was until Thatcherite England put the kibosh on the latter.

Independence is now a one way street, there may be diversions due to road works along the way, but the destination will be reached as the resolve is there. And let’s not kid ourselves, a large part of the drive for independence relates to this…

Fact number three – England is fast becoming a right wing country.

In truth, when it comes to the ideological constitution of Britain, since the late seventies, it’s been this way.

Ignore the abundance of left leaning mouthpieces, talking heads, satirists, comedians, New Statesman, Mirror or Guardian columnists and social media grandstanders and bloggers writing pious or pithy put downs of Katie Hopkins and Jeremy Clarkson…mmm, yeah. They’re a small sub-sample of a highly cliquish and distinct cultural echelon. They clearly don’t reflect the attitudes held by a great swathe of the English electorate.

Nobody in England and on the left wants to admit it, either through the shame of favouring their own self-interest, or because it’s too painful to recognise the truth that, even if many don’t vote for the party usually associated with its mores, Thatcher succeeded in making most of us consciously prioritise self-wealth over the collective and the state.

Tony Blair and Alastair Campbell recognised that many traditional Labour voters wanted to be able to think and act aspirationally without the accompanying guilt that it may cost others. So they brought us Blarism, which used affectations of core Labour values; moderate increases in public spending and tweaking taxation, creating the illusion of greater class mobility through a housing price boom while doing just enough reddish stuff to placate the Unions, and merged them with a reliance on Thatcherite economics – increased privatisation and city deregulation.

Time mixed with decadence erodes even modest principles. Now, with Labour policies migrating to the right, it’s given people an excuse to ignore what’s happening outside of their bubble. With the FPTP system in place and a rough social and economic consensus developing between Labour and the Tories, due to its popularity with a bloated middle class, what does your average affluent Middle England voter feel they can do for the poor at the ballot box? The entire system’s geared so that you can only successfully vote for your own self-interest.

Look, Lynton Crosby is a horrible neo-con cunt, but he ran this campaign perfectly, and it started early. The fallout from the independence referendum in Scotland, and that the Tories had little to hold on to in Scotland made it easier to compose a salient stratagem. Needing to only win the English vote, they were free to demonise the Nationalist movement in Scotland, painting it and the SNP as a threat with their filthy socialist values and as scroungers after the English public’s cash. They were able to carry over the lie created by Better Together during the campaign that England subsidises Scotland. Similarly the narrative had already taken root that the Labour party was to blame for presiding over the financial crisis and exacerbating its effects. Throw in perpetual doubts about Ed Miliband’s ability to lead and Ed Miliband’s rather unconvincing bluster in the closing weeks that parroted the Tory position on Nationalism all along, and even though the coalition government’s record was absolute dross, all David Cameron had to do was stick to the script…

…because, as per expected, and as I predicted, but not at the levels that transpired, there’s a demographic of folk, the silent Tories, who simply aren’t engaged by a socially progressive message. Indeed they’re more likely to be tempted by a socially regressive party such as UKIP, than the (incorrectly) perceived centralism of Labour or one of the smaller leftist parties.

This lot are happy with what they have, and they’re the majority now. They’re savvy enough to recognise that they’re relatively affluent, their streets and communities are safe from crime and from too much immigration. They’re in the sweet spot of the taxation spectrum. Tory lead governments work for them, and they don’t care if it doesn’t for others. They want a double garage instead of a single, not new social housing built for unemployed single mothers. They want a second holiday per year, not for tax to take that away to pay for someone’s disability benefits. We have to accept that we’re now in Thatcher’s end game, where allegiance to aspiration is now inexorably synonymous with being middle class and quintessentially English.

There’s been some talk over the last few days about the grossly unfair First Past the Post system, mainly due to its neutering of the Green and UKIP vote. But it’s been framed as a way to help the left recover. If you’re on the left, using last Thursday’s results, a switch to Proportional Representation would only serve to further emphasize how right wing England has become:

Conservatives – 239 (seats)

Labour – 199

UKIP – 82

Lib Dem – 50

SNP – 31

Greens – 24

The vote share for each country paints an even bleaker picture. If we combine the vote share of the Tories and UKIP in England, that’s 55%. Throw in the Lib Dems, as many of its voters defected to the Tories this time, and it rises well past 60%. There’s a reason why Labour has drifted from supporting the Union ideologues, and conceded any semblance of socialist values informing many of its policies, to fight on the Tory terrain, because it has to. Implementation of the FPTP or PR voting system would not alter their need or desire to do this.

As a means of comparison, in Scotland the Tories, UKIP and the Lib Dems took a combined 24% of the vote, and in Wales 45%. Mind you, at this point, there’s less traction for Welsh independence and therefore little incentive for the Welsh electorate to get behind Plaid Cymru. Labour’s highest national vote share was in Wales – 37% – which matched their performance in 2010.

So, what’s the solution for Labour? Well, grimly, and honestly, I don’t see one…

On the plus side, Labour also suffered a shock defeat in 92, but were back in power just 5 years later, fronted by a messianic warmonger.

— Charlie Brooker (@charltonbrooker) May 8, 2015

Fact number four – The Labour party is unsalvageable.

A strong statement, but when will the evidence as I’ve provided above, both real and anecdotal, finally resonate? When are Labourites going realise that the party has simply no intention of coming back to represent them? And that they’re now a minority within a minority?

The Defenders of the Faith have spent so long submerging themselves in it, or more specifically in the faith of the party name, that they’ve allowed the party to steer towards the ice berg, sink the ship and drown them with it.

In their post-election desperation the claim that there’s now an incentive for Labour to move back left in policy terms has been aired repeatedly, where higher taxation and increased public spending would be central pillars, but are there enough fair-weather voters in England who would be enticed by that? It doesn’t look like it. The Tories have increased their majority on an austerity manifesto, just think about that. Meanwhile Labour followed suit in an attempt to pick up votes from small ‘c’ conservatives. This is futility.

Now Labour find themselves in a position where their policies aren’t right wing and selfish enough to attract enough Tory, Lib Dem or UKIP votes in the south, or remotely central left to attract any support in Scotland, increase it in Wales or Urban and Northern England. A direction will need to be chosen because remaining in no man’s land is not an option.

Channel 4’s Paul Mason has floated the idea of a new workers party funded by Unite and the other unions Labour have betrayed, and fuelled by grass roots activism that’s served the SNP and the Yes campaign so well. But will Labourites migrate to it en masse? As George Orwell rightly prophesized, once allegiance to the party name is established, it takes something cataclysmic to break the attachment to its mythology.

Was Labour’s defeat cataclysmic enough to destroy the faith? No, and even worse, considering the constituency boundary changes to come, I think it’s likely to disillusion many on the left into political apathy, rather than inspire a Syriza type movement where party policy is dictated by its activism. Plus it’s easier to wallow in self-pity, blame the rise of the SNP as just ‘Nationalism’, blame Gordon Brown for being Gordon Brown, blame Tony Blair’s hubris and his warmongering crusade, blame Blarism, blame Thatcherism (fair enough on that one), blame people for being like sheep, blame people for being “Tory bastards”, blame those who don’t vote, hark back to the halcyon days of Keir Hardie, Nye Bevan, Clement Attlee, even Tony Benn, than to analyse your own failings. Fittingly it’s become a real trademark of Labour and its branch offices in recent years…

Right okay enough of the serious shit and let’s get to the schadenfreude. So yeah, speaking of the Scottish Labour party…

So what was the highlight of the night? Ian ‘bayonet the wounded’ Davidson finally, finally getting bayonetted? Dougie ‘yeah, drop bombs on small Muslim children please’ Alexander getting gubbed by a twenty year old student? Or was it Jim Murphy losing his seat to a virtual unknown in Kirsten Oswald?

It has to be Murphy. On Election night I had a gut feeling that he’d just hold on through a combination of his profile, tactical voting, money, and rousing just enough of his Blairite base.

Whether Jimbo should now go as Scottish leader is another question. And it invariably leads to another – if not Murphy, then who? Constantly changing leaders seems to be another method for Labour to elide the causes of their failure. In truth Scottish Labour’s failure had less to do with Murphy’s Marmite qualities and public preening and more to do with the schizoid nature of Scottish Labour’s campaign.

Seeing Dougie Alexander, London Labour’s campaign coordinator to boot, lose, was a close second. Mahiri Black could’ve been magnanimous in victory, but I loved the fact that she decided to give a robust twist of the knife that the people of Paisley and Renfrewshire South had already planted into Alexander’s rub cage. I suspect she wouldn’t have done so were she in opposition to one of Scottish Labour’s smaller names, but Alexander has been a total disgrace and deserved it.

Alexander’s concession speech, while gracious, was enjoyable, as he seemed on the verge of tears. His voice cracked, punctuated by his sentences ending in high pitched inflections and followed by sharp intakes of breath. Much like Thatcher when she got the chop in 1990, Alexander’s almost tears were entirely self-pitying. Nom, nom, nom, fucking drink ‘em up like Cartman.

It’s quite an achievement for Labour to lose 40 seats and only take 25% of the vote in Scotland. A similar thing beset the Scottish Tories in 1987, though their decline was gradual. That year the Tories took a similar percentage of the Scottish national vote – 24% – as Labour did this time and in the nearly thirty years since the Tories still haven’t recovered. In fact the Tory share of the Scottish vote has continued to shrink. It’s hard to see how Scottish Labour, a branch office whose direction will be dictated by the ideological and leadership dilemma the central office now faces, that’s filled to the brim with second raters and scratchings that were left on the factory floor, who demeaned between 45% to 50% of the Scottish electorate for wanting independence (and who now correctly views Scottish Labour as an impediment to that), will recover soon either.

And so the future?

Bleak for too many, decent for some, and very good for the few – as you were.

The idea that David Cameron might ‘try it on’, as it were, with an offer that falls well short of full devolution of powers, say Full Fiscal Autonomy, would surely delight Unionists, as it could put the SNP is a tricky spot. But the people of Scotland are watching closely now, and the Tory government only has a small majority.

So I suspect the PM will play it safe with saving the UK, for the time being, with a conciliatory offer of federalism or devo max to Scotland. Boris Johnson, as only he could, rather let the cat out of the bag on Election night, or rather morning, 4:30 am to be exact, when he said there would have to be an offer to Scotland along the lines of a federalist system. He soon tried to back track by caveating that this needed to apply to regions in England and to Wales. And I’ll caveat that by saying he may or may not have had a glass or three of champagne by this point and was undoubtedly knackered.

English votes for English laws will be brought in as a concession for Cameron’s core little Englander support as quid pro quo, and it’s hard to see either part of that equation being voted down in the house.

The EU referendum remains the wild card, but I’m very sceptical that the UK electorate will choose to leave the Eurozone at the first time of asking. Much like Scottish independence, it’s easy to say ‘Yes’ and leave, but when it comes to the crunch many people will take a pragmatic view and stick with what’s in place until it’s clear that an exit is beneficial.

Thankfully we’re getting close to that tipping point in Scotland, but many people in England will have to suffer over the next five years to ram home the reality that they must adapt to the new order of things.

Posted in Politics | Tagged 56, Alastair Campbell, BBC Scotland, Blairism, Call-Me-Dave wins again, Cartman, Charlie Brooker, Clement Attlee, Devo Max?, Ed Miliband as a gastric band, England, EU Referendum, Eurozone, Federialism, Good riddance Dougie Alexander, Gordon Brown, Greens, Jeremy Clarkson, Jim Murphy, Katie Hopkins, Labour are fucked, Lib Dems, Lynton Crosby, Mahiri Black, Nicholas Cage laughing gif is a winner, Plaid Cymru, Scotland, Scottish Labour are fucked, Silent Tories, SNP, Thatcherism, The Defenders of the Faith, Tony Benn again, Tony Blair, Tories, UKIP, Wales | Leave a comment

Song Of The Day – Fresh by DJ Sprinkles & Mark Fell

Posted on 09/05/2015 by Wichita Lineman Was A Song I Once Heard

From the EP ‘Fresh Insights EP1’ (2015)

Posted in Song Of The Day | Tagged Comatonse Recordings, DJ Sprinkles, EP, Fresh, Fresh Insights, Labour's decline, Mark Fell, Seems apt to post this now, Song Of The Day, Tony Benn | Leave a comment

General Election 2015 – The Final Countdown

Posted on 05/05/2015 by Wichita Lineman Was A Song I Once Heard

And so here we are on the verge of a General Election, and yes, this is just what everybody needs, another mouthy dickhead with a blog writing a highly speculative article about it, because there haven’t been nearly enough of those over the last few days.

But don’t worry, just as I post one of these articles something will happen six hours later immediately rendering several of its points obsolete. So I’ll add this caveat; providing the SNP aren’t outed as trafficking and then cannibalising malnourished Somali children, David Cameron doesn’t take to getting his dork out in Leicester Square during rush hour and pointing it at passing cars, and Ed Miliband stops aiming his Pollyanna suddenly gone Carrie serial killer glare at Tory activists masquerading as undecided voters and refrains from committing any further strategic faux-pas, I stand by everything I say and predict:

What the fuck is Ed Miliband (and the Labour party) playing at?

Being a dilettante I can only offer superficial observations, but the whole Labour campaign, from central office right on down to its grassroots activists and loyal electorate, seems fractured – and yes, this was the kindest euphemism I could think of. I could’ve picked a different word beginning with ‘f’, and I don’t mean fragmented.

Of course within any party there will be a divergence of opinion, even vocal dissention, but high up within the party apparatus itself, during an election? Well that takes some doing, or, in this case, incompetence.

Consider this sequence of events; Chuka Umunna was happy to throw Jim Murphy under a bus, crushing any perceived authority Murphy is thought to or claimed to have been given as Scottish Leader, compounding the embarrassment of Jimbo going off the reservation claiming he’d have a say in deciding Labour’s UK budget. Amateur doesn’t do it justice. But let’s be generous, at least Jimbo had the good sense to retreat into his bunker for twenty-four hours in the forlorn hope it would blow over.

Miliband’s continuously taken a hard line with his ‘no deals with Nationalists’ pledge in the last week. Between this and Murphy’s desperate duplicity – on practically every issue – the Labour message just isn’t resonating anywhere in the ‘provinces’.

There is some logic in Miliband’s stance towards the SNP. The polls are suggesting a Scottish wipe-out for Labour, so having already publicly cut off his balls, what difference does it make now if Miliband goes all Mortal Kombat and ‘finishes him’, leaving Murphy as collateral damage? After all, the main reason he became Scottish Labour leader in the first place was due to being passed over for a more prestigious cabinet position, and do One Nation Labour truly care about the 2016 Scottish elections? They’re done in Scotland, for the short term at least.

The other is that because Murphy’s failed so miserably to be the portrayed saviour – though, to be fair, he didn’t anoint himself as such and Scottish Labour’s failure is not all down to him – why not take a different tack? By using a sternly condescending tone and without a hint of goodwill, a lot of Scots will view Miliband’s rhetoric through a jaundiced lens as blackmail. But if the Labour leader can’t get through to undecided voters up here with good auld fashioned scaremongering, the kind that relies on obsolete voting etiquettes fomented by guileless atavistic traditionalism, then how can he expect Murphy, who was openly ridiculed by an underling of his cabinet, to successfully do it for him? After all, that’s what Murphy’s been doing for months, and, if you believe the polls, it’s had the opposite effect.

Taking a hard line on Nationalism makes sense if it’s directed at the voters in England. It’s an issue on which Labour’s desire to retain full voting participation at Westminster clearly diverges from the Tories equally self-serving push for English votes for English laws, but not for a second do I believe Labour have arrived at such a tactic rationally and therefore intentionally. And I’m sceptical that saving the Union is a red line issue for many English voters, it’s a minor concern at most. Even better, if you take a closer look, Ed’s no deals with Nationalist parties is extremely hypocritical, as Labour choose not to stand candidates in Northern Ireland, allowing the SDLP, who fall under the party whip, a free run to monopolise the Labour vote. However, the SDLP’s main objective is for Irish reunification, therefore breaking up Britain as we know it. So would supporting nationalist parties be okay if the SNP and Plaid were to agree to fall under the party whip too? Perhaps it’s simply because, due to the complexity and recent history of Northern Ireland, Labour see no realistic chance of Irish reunification. Meanwhile the route to independence for Scotland and Wales is far more straightforward, especially now that the idea of Scottish independence clearly has traction, and Labour will want to prevent the Welsh from getting fresh too.

Miliband’s stance towards Plaid Cymru makes no sense whatsoever as Labour’s polling numbers in Wales have been relatively stable. Essentially he’s telling Welsh voters that the best they can do is a Blairite Labour minority government. Those who are dogmatically entrenched in the faith and enslaved to party allegiance will lap it up, but those on the left who Labour have abandoned will see it for what it is – it’s the emptiest of threats from a man leading a party so bankrupt of ideas and mired in an identity crisis that it is struggling to win the popular vote.

They should be walking this election, but at best, the polls are showing them marginally ahead of the deeply unpopular incumbent Tory bastards, fresh off their even more unpopular coalition of loserdom. Even if Labour managed to retain their haul of seats in Scotland and Wales from 2010 they would still be projected to fall short of an overall majority. That’s pathetic.

Run a campaign? I wouldn’t trust Miliband and his advisors to run a fucking bath.

The media’s influence on this election, just what is it?

The excerpt (above) from the excellent Screenwipe struck a chord with me when thinking of the many reasons why the national newspapers would print such diverse front page headlines and articles with regionally slanted and targeted messages.

In times of uncertainty it behoves those with the political and financial power, and their subsidiaries who are bought and paid for propaganda purposes, to attempt to distract the populace form perceiving what’s happening with counter-intuitive speculation (thinking…) and using an odd form of myopic hysterical bleating, that the prospect of the establishment being forced to adapt to the benefit of the masses is somehow a bad thing.

This isn’t new, but it’s still a bizarre contrast where Labourites in England are complaining of Tory bias by the UK media, meanwhile up here in Scotland SNP supporters complain of Labour bias in the Scottish media. The latter certainly hasn’t worked, is the former working? Or is it the case that, as per usual, there’s a sizeable demographic of voters who will quietly vote Tory?

Sift through all the bullshit and that it’s fucking bullshit and it makes sense for the media to collude in this way – pimp Labour in Scotland and the Tories in England. It’s the most effective medium and method the Westminster hegemony has of protecting its position. If you can make the majority of people vote the same way they always have, it’s the most convincing way of portraying any argument for significant change as a minority view.

The Tories have been relatively quiet and elusive, and it’s worked.

These bastards should be on a hiding to nothing, yet here they are with a good chance of winning the most seats and possibly forming an even more hideous coalition than the last one.

As easy as it is to hate them, their approach has been the correct one – as little exposure to the electorate as they can feasibly get away with. Their economic policy is failing, the UK debt has risen, wealth disparity is widening (thanks to quantitative easing) and to keep ‘the scroungers’ in place they’re proposing an even more brutal austerity package over the next government term. Despite all this the Tories are projected to win the most seats. What does this tell us? That too many people vote for what they believe a party represents not the policies it enacts, and no meaningful change in UK politics will occur until that ends.

The solution is independence for all the UK nations and within each federalism and extensive local devolution to regional councils with a Proportional Representation voting system. That’s essentially the democratic alternative to what we have now.

The Tory Labour duopoly exists not because of tradition but due to a mixture of apathy and cynicism. How else do we explain that the largest bloc of voters in the UK have the least amount of choice?

If I lived in Bury or Borehamwood, I’d probably begrudgingly and unenthusiastically vote Labour or Green, even though there’s no party that ideologically sits in the vacuum between the two, where I and quite a number of voters reside.

Think of this way – if you’re living in England and provided you don’t have a reason to hate the Tories or weren’t brought up to, the Tories are only slightly to the right of a thoroughly Blairite Labour, so does it take a great leap to vote for them? It’s certainly less of a leap for someone who passively votes Labour to vote Tory, than it does for them to vote Green or Socialist.

Both Labour and the Tories roughly agree on zero hour contracts, austerity, university tuition fees, trident renewal, the Henry Jackson Society foreign policy, trickle-down economics, immigration, most kinds and levels of taxation – especially those that favour non-doms and of course NHS privatisation. Within this there are degrees of difference, think of it as Blairism as opposed to Thatcherism. Of the two Blairism is preferable, but it isn’t preferable. I don’t agree with not voting, but I understand why someone in England might look at the choice of the two with a level antipathy and think ‘what’s the fucking point?’

Will those crazy DUP creationists be part of a Tory lead coalition?

It ceases to be funny the moment it happens. Sodomy a sin? The earth is only four to six thousand years old? Sure mate. Crack Cocaine and Krokodil are good for you too. What’s next? Seals will use telepathy to convince our kids that they’re transgender? That the Giant’s Causeway was created by god? Oh wait, that last one is actually true.

This lot are just the kinds of dickheads I want in a cabinet meeting when education, scientific research and equality and minority rights are being discussed. Just don’t tell them that a percentage of elected MP’s are gay, or “gay marriage” – does anyone find that term oddly anachronistic and squeamish given the ethics behind it are supposed to be progressive and egalitarian? – is legal already.

Still, as the UK is one of the few remaining civilised countries left in the world not to have a clear constitutional separation of church and state – thanks to the House of Lords – it would be fitting if these fantasists formed part of a government. To both paraphrase and bastardise a well-worn one; only in Westminster.

But that’s being glib, the nightmare scenario is a Lib Dem and Tory coalition, with the DUP and whatever seats UKIP scrounge together teaming up, allowing Nigel Farage’s grotesque pound shop Oswald Mosley pantomime to continue. Not only will you have the Thatcherism of the Tories, the fawning subservient cronyism of the Liberals (a name change is badly required now) but it’ll be infused with the pure xenophobia of UKIP and ULDP’s Creationism dogma. It could easily give the Tories an excuse to become regressive on many social issues they may ordinarily be reticent to pursue.

So yeah, about Nigel Farage and his ‘party’.

Thankfully the fascination with them seems to be waning. Just as we suspected, by increasing their exposure, the focus was bound to shift to their disastrous policies, built on a cocktail of the cruellest principles of unfettered Thatcherism with dashes of their stereotypical Little Englander xenophobia, sexism and racism. Putting Farage in a debate setting has been particularly effective; having to compete for attention has driven him into toe curling soundbites of desperate megalomania.

So just do us a favour ‘Nige’, and fuck off now. Just like the National Front and the BNP before you, you’re a fad. A wet dream for garrulous poseur Daily Mail reading white van driving muppets to project themselves on to, but who, when it comes time to vote for it, aren’t sufficiently disillusioned enough to have the necessary spite or conviction to follow it through. Even if it will likely benefit the Tories, I’d love it if they ended up with no seats. Speaking of losing seats…

Will Douglas Alexander and Jim Murphy lose their seats?

Send this wee cuntmotherfucking rat twat back crying to his second or third property in Islington, or wherever it is.

Yeah. I know, every supporter of the SNP and Scottish independence would take Alexander and Murphy holding their seats if it meant the SNP took the other 57 in Scotland, but why should rationality and seeing the bigger picture stop us from indulging in some hypothetical schadenfreude?

Murphy’s an obvious choice as he’s the anointed saviour and fitting symbol of the contemptuously arrogant attitude that pervades Scottish Labour’s branch office. Somehow, someway, Murphy’s been complicit in making them more unpopular. The reasons are all very logical, with no power at all and having to work within the remit of the reductive watered down Tory policies of the London HQ, to counteract the SNP’s more popular proposals, Murphy’s had to make illogical promises on devolved matters, lie about the constitutional procedure in the event of hung parliaments, and of the SNP’s right as the majority government of Holyrood to call another referendum on independence – which it can’t, as the Edinburgh agreement was in effect a temporary transfer of powers from Westminster to Holyrood to allow the last referendum. He’s hired the ghastly duo of Blair McDougall and Tory McTernan to aid his campaign, and their internet presences are less popular than Aids, Gary Glitter’s attempts to reinvent himself as a children’s entertainer would be with parents or Justin Bieber is with middle aged working class men in Leith. That Murphy’s being backed by a sycophantic and increasingly tetchy Scottish media, who a large number of people have come to inherently distrust, and well, it’s no surprise Labour’s support has cratered.

While it isn’t all Jimbo’s fault – the rot set in years ago – he did sign up for the chalice, agreed to the terms and conditions and arrogantly assumed it wouldn’t matter, because Scotland always votes Labour in Genny Leckies. So given this it’s only fair he should suffer the consequences. Most polls have it as a tight race in East Renfrewshire, in the margin of error, so who knows? But should Murphy be defeated it would be confirmation of Scottish Labour hitting rock bottom. Make it so.

Just thinking, it would be great if someone got dressed up as a giant egg wearing a sign that says “soon” and followed Murphy around when he’s canvassing/soapboxing in the remaining days and hours. Jim’s looked gaunt and has worn the expression of a condemned man in recent weeks, but I’m sure even he’d see the funny side of that.

It’ll be funny if he has to scramble (pun sort-of intended – sorry) for a Scottish constituency to remain Scottish Labour leader having been booted out of his Westminster constituency in the General Election. Though, as we know, even if he wins he’ll have to forfeit his seat to remain Scottish Labour leader and stand for Holyrood in 2016. So let’s do him a solid and simplify things for him.

Now, Douglas Alexander, well, I could rant on, but I won’t, this link just about sums everything up. He’s set to lose his seat to SNP candidate Mhairi Black, aged 20. It would be a fitting and majestic humiliation for one of the biggest Judas rats and odious self-serving little cockmonkeys in recent memory. Plus, as a Brucie Bonus, Alexander has ingratiated himself into becoming the ubiquitous media mouthpiece for the London HQ. Not to mention Shadow Foreign Secretary, which, given he likes seeing Arab countries carpet bombed to validate his warped moral crusade against the lie that is Terrorism, is the right job for him. So, should you lose all of that, and your place on the expenses gravy train, to a twenty year old, could we call that ‘race to the bottom’ a precipitous one Dougie?

Hold on, Nick Clegg could be kingmaker again?

Let’s be clear – the idea is sickening on an ethical level not a democratic one. Clegg reminds me of a professional grass, you know, the kind that every school year you could remember had. They have no mates, so they try too hard to be liked, but when it comes to the crunch they have no sense of loyalty. They’re essentially cowardly narcissists who’ll happily see themselves as locusts, as cockroaches, true survivors if it infuses their private delusion that this trait is admirable.

Or to put it more succinctly – he’s one of Thatcher’s children.

Like Dougie Alexander and Jim Murphy he’s sweating over losing his seat, people of Sheffield Hallam, do the right thing and send this cipher packing.

Will there be a second (snap) election?

First, it’ll be highly unlikely this happens, but the thought of it as voter is hugely insulting. There’s nothing more craven than a snap second election. Basically it’s relying upon a bunch of people to be fickle enough to change their minds (again voting to punish a party, not for disliking their policies), or to be too apathetic to vote a second time, because the people we elected first time threw a strop and decided they couldn’t work together in governance. So, just to let you know in advance, I’m not changing my vote, get tae fuck.

So, who will win?

I dunno. Perhaps nobody. And that seems to be a problem for many folks. All our lives we’ve been conditioned, through the rotten and archaic FPTP system, to see general elections as a binary choice. After all it has to be a Tory or Labour lead government, in some form.

But does it? Why does it have to be a Tory or Labour lead government? Why the aversion to forming new parties or fringe parties ascending to greater power providing they fall somewhere on the moderate scale? Why does the idea of a minority government, or a government propped up by confidence and supply arrangement upset so many folk, why is the prospect of minority parties having a greater say in government treated with such scepticism, even derision?

Anyway, somebody will be PM, and there will be a government, so, that being the case…

A final prediction – because why not?

First the numbers, and why not go with fivethirtyeight.com? Nate Silver’s methodology is very rarely wrong:

U.K. General Election Predictions

When it comes to the crunch Miliband will do a confidence and supply deal with the SNP, Plaid and the SDLP because in the projection above that gets him to the 323 seat mark required to form a stable government (as Sinn Fenn won’t take their five seats) without needing to involve the Lib Dems. What’s the alternative? That he’s seen as standing aside and allowing the Tories to form a right wing alliance (a Tory, Lib Dem & DUP coalition gets them within range of forming a stable coalition) due to sheer hubris of trying to maintain his statesmen like preening of not bowing to Nationalism on the telly during the campaign? If Scottish and Welsh independence is such a red line issue (as he put it) for him and for Labour, just make the Nationalist parties agree, as part of any agreement, to have no independence proposals in any of their manifestos for the duration of the next five years. That will require concessions elsewhere, but will Labour voters in England, many of whom find themselves left of the party, but trapped into voting for Labour, leave in their droves if public spending is increased and trident is scaled down? C’mon now.

He could attempt to go down the minority Labour government route, but that requires waiting for Cameron, the incumbent, to fail to gain a vote of confidence or build a coalition, forcing him to resign. Miliband would then be appointed PM and submit a Queen’s speech, and goad any other potential partners to vote it down, but why take the risk?

Miliband talks of maintaining the union, but if the Tories remain in power we’ll have Cameron’s inevitable in-out EU referendum which could facilitate another Scottish independence referendum within the next parliamentary cycle.

Personally I don’t think any of these Unionists, or those who need to claim they are to appease an electorate, are under any illusions, it’s a matter of when and not if the UK breaks up. But if it can be helped at least don’t be the leader, or the party, who helped facilitate it. Miliband can be in power and avoid such ignominy and in the process sell it to his acolytes that he kept his word, which sounds good to me. But then again it’s Labour we’re talking about here, and should he win, this prat is proposing to install a stone cenotaph in the garden of Number Ten with his election pledges engraved on it. Aye Ed, because you need to do something like that to remember all the pledges you made to the millions of voters who helped put you in power. You fucking spatula. No wonder so many people hate politics and politicians.