Initially I was blithe about Coronavirus, ‘Oh what’s this, another strain of that bird flu or that Sars thingy? So what?’ For a layman such as myself underestimating Covid-19 at the start was defensible. Doing so now is absolutely fucking stupid. Despite the dire effects of not implementing the correct suppression strategy at the start, we now have British exceptionalism creeping in to the public discourse as a core justification for easing the lockdown. The pining for normalcy ‘we’ll meet again’ *vomits* is partly due to boredom but mostly fear of imagining a future that doesn’t resemble the recent past.

This rush to reopen too quickly is being inculcated by Tory morons (they’re nearly all Brexiteers you’ll notice), loons and complicit opinion pieces, just check out the shite published on this ghoulish wormhole. As Orwell rightly put it – ‘Ignorance is Strength’ and as Alan Bennett rightly said ‘they are in the grip of ideology, and ideology tends to drive out thought’. The Dominic Cummings fiasco conclusively proves how demoralised we are by it all – that ideology (and self-preservation) can be placed before the jurisdiction of the government’s own lockdown guidelines, and the public’s health, without any consequences. And just what was the new advice? Go back to work you lazy cunts, stay alert (it’s a virus, it’s invisible you cunttwats), but use a facemask if you’re using public transport cause there’s no social distancing on The Tube or the buses which we recommended youse not use. Crystal clear.

We live in an era where scepticism and believing what suits you prevails, and the bungled handling of coronavirus has finally made me succumb. Of course it’s rational to believe that this Tory government made up of Neo-con vampires is likely thinking it’s a good thing that a bunch of pensioners get offed under the guise of herd immunity. Fact is, it will save some cash. But even malicious intent can be incompetent. If protecting the economy is that important, Japan, South Korea and New Zealand have executed effective trace, track and isolate strategies that have helped them re-open much sooner, so why hasn’t something similar been implemented here?

Perhaps we’re supposed to kowtow to all of this ineptitude and let it slide because of the furlough scheme. Don’t look at it as a handout and a holiday, because we, the taxpayers, will be paying for it all. Because of this the mounting accusations that isolating, and therefore not working, is a form of selfish, lazy hedonism (“skiving” according to some cretinous twats) is unforgivable. To these people I say fuck off, you pick some fruit.

Being in Morrisons, not at home for weeks on end, is where the oddity and paranoia built by Coronavirus reaches its zenith. Navigating through indoor public spaces is nearly always a dire experience, but now there are new layers and etiquettes of mistrust to contend with. You approach someone in the aisle, look at them, try to anticipate their next move, only now it’s accompanied by them automatically giving you the ‘you’re infected – stay away cunt’ stinkeye. And god forbid you should be focused on the shelves and nearly come into contact with someone or their trolley, this is followed by a recoiling Zumba style move of two steps back and to the side from both parties. I haven’t left the house since Sainsbury’s started offering me delivery slots again. I also felt like a proper tit wearing a mask when a good few weren’t. In the absence of being tested (ho-hum) and some people not bothering to don one, wearing one feels like a waste of time. Amongst the sizable number of abstainers, its greatest effect is serving notice that you believe in science. Wearing a mask in public connotes altruism, it’s a display that you’re a concerned citizen, are serious about this, your health and the health of others. But the maskless mob clearly aren’t bothered about spreading it to you. Arseholes.

Social media has become a mechanism for confirmation bias(es). But what of public service broadcasting? I’m inclined to question whether, to survive, it too must serve that same purpose. I was in for a shock when, for the first time in eons (thanks to the additional time lockdown has afforded me), I randomly watched the six o’clock news. I was met with a wretchedly jingoistic and irresponsible BBC report from a street in some English backwater where a morass of fucking melts were celebrating V-day by having a street party where social distancing didn’t even manage to be an afterthought. We’ll meet again? Hopefully for you lot it’ll be in an ICU with no ventilators.

And, just to confirm my malaise is real, I just can’t stand this applauding of NHS workers at 8pm on Thursdays. Fucking pack it in. If anything, it reminded me of the two minute hate. The show of self-denial, hypocrisy and abdication of responsibility really grates. It’s easy to applaud someone, having voted for Brexit and a conservative government at the ballot box, isn’t it? The sheer opportunism and cynicism of parliament encouraging it and partaking to obfuscate their incompetency is equally sickening. ‘But it boosts morale’, some will say. I reckon hospital staff would’ve preferred not being overworked and not faced with a shortage of PPE at many hospitals in April. Nor had successive Tory governments essentially stunt the wages of nurses below inflation for a few years, cut funding generally (sorry, ‘improved competition’), and as a result of Brexit have made it harder for the NHS to recruit EU nationals, a good chunk of whom make up its workforce.

If all of this is considered doing enough, or the right thing, during ‘difficult times’ then count me out. Extinction is richly deserved, and you can’t get more nihilistic than that.