This is boilerplate

I wanted to write something interesting

Without being condescending,

Or using the medium to vent

To create an idea that is transcendent

Then, I checked the meaning of boilerplate;

Simplistic language, or templates,

That is reusable, without having to alternate

To my poetry this relates

And yeah, I said I wouldn’t do anymore,

But everyone knows the score

Writing can be a real chore,

Especially if you think you’re a bore

And because, when I’m speaking

I can hear my syntax creaking,

Like old hinges on a gate

Look at me self-loathing, as boilerplate

As moaning about your tax rate,

That you’ve got too much on your plate,

Or smalltalk, insufferably boilerplate

You talk about cooking tips

The width of a celeb’s hips

Moan that the weather’s shit

Or work – can’t be bothered with it

But it’s just a distraction,

And a desire that shelves

A deeper dig into ourselves

By the way, it’s called introspection

But what if all we find there

Is that we’re too self-aware?

Or that we just don’t care?

Unless ‘Take Me Out’ is on somewhere?

Speaking of Schadenfreude, innit boilerplate?

I enjoyed watching Gillian McKeith fail

To get a family from Bolton to eat Kale,

Or seeing the Toilet Duck of propriety prevail

As it vanquished Mourinho like limescale

But, the futility of repetition starts to grate,

So you just get pished, what a fucking state

But what happens if, after you satiate

You too encounter a Pink Elephant

And it turns out to be eloquent?

Was Rab C offering a post-modernist take?

No. It was just light comedy for fuck’s sake.

Also funny, the way you talk to your mate

When pretending its private

Is as boilerplate as believing in fate,

Christ, even our insults are boilerplate;

Twat, wanker, cunt, fucker

I use them like every other sucker

But yeah, boilerplate, what a great word,

It makes simplicity as absurd

As being part of its herd

Plus, it can pose some interesting questions;

Such as, Welsh, what’s that about?

Or, what if everything became boilerplate?

How would society function,

If everyone’s Up The Junction?

Maybe this form of Totalitarianism

Could defeat Thatcherism?

I’ll admit, I’m talking complete shit

But time, you’ve got to do something with it