This is boilerplate
I wanted to write something interesting
Without being condescending,
Or using the medium to vent
To create an idea that is transcendent
Then, I checked the meaning of boilerplate;
Simplistic language, or templates,
That is reusable, without having to alternate
To my poetry this relates
And yeah, I said I wouldn’t do anymore,
But everyone knows the score
Writing can be a real chore,
Especially if you think you’re a bore
And because, when I’m speaking
I can hear my syntax creaking,
Like old hinges on a gate
Look at me self-loathing, as boilerplate
As moaning about your tax rate,
That you’ve got too much on your plate,
Or smalltalk, insufferably boilerplate
You talk about cooking tips
The width of a celeb’s hips
Moan that the weather’s shit
Or work – can’t be bothered with it
But it’s just a distraction,
And a desire that shelves
A deeper dig into ourselves
By the way, it’s called introspection
But what if all we find there
Is that we’re too self-aware?
Or that we just don’t care?
Unless ‘Take Me Out’ is on somewhere?
Speaking of Schadenfreude, innit boilerplate?
I enjoyed watching Gillian McKeith fail
To get a family from Bolton to eat Kale,
Or seeing the Toilet Duck of propriety prevail
As it vanquished Mourinho like limescale
But, the futility of repetition starts to grate,
So you just get pished, what a fucking state
But what happens if, after you satiate
You too encounter a Pink Elephant
And it turns out to be eloquent?
Was Rab C offering a post-modernist take?
No. It was just light comedy for fuck’s sake.
Also funny, the way you talk to your mate
When pretending its private
Is as boilerplate as believing in fate,
Christ, even our insults are boilerplate;
Twat, wanker, cunt, fucker
I use them like every other sucker
But yeah, boilerplate, what a great word,
It makes simplicity as absurd
As being part of its herd
Plus, it can pose some interesting questions;
Such as, Welsh, what’s that about?
Or, what if everything became boilerplate?
How would society function,
If everyone’s Up The Junction?
Maybe this form of Totalitarianism
Could defeat Thatcherism?
I’ll admit, I’m talking complete shit
But time, you’ve got to do something with it