My car travails the gravel

To end my lusting travel

Fat, bald, ugly, hopeless in my middle age

Red lights my only salvation at this stage

Paying for sexual contact

Cause I can’t get it from the wife

Tonight, if I can’t bag a twat

I’ll be tempted to take my life

Sneaking a peak in the ladies

No longer will suffice

So I roll the dice

I hope she’ll be named Mercedes

Got my wallet full of twenties and tens

Looking for a clean working girl

Not from one of the local crack dens

Oh tumescent, feel the blood swirl

Moving even slower, to study their faces

The street lights reveal a bit more

Fuck! That one could compete in horse races

Beauty is a must for my whore

Minutes turn to hours, increasing frustration

So I lower my horizons in desperation

Spotters badge. Finally! There’s one

Fairly pretty, vulnerable and young

But there’s just enough dirt in her

That she’ll put her finger up me bum

I park the car like a real chauffeur

Only now I’ve fiddled my thing numb

Heart beating like a drum, loins creaming

I roll down the window, her breath steaming

This is what I want done, so how much hun?

You’re under arrest you perv, well done